Sunday, June 11, 2006

Fatherhood 3- Not all HIS fault!

It’s hard to let go. For some reason, we as women figure since we were the sole provider for the little growing fetus, we are the expert on the baby too. We start making our own path in parenting and often forget to allow our husbands a say so! A couple of days after Ivan was born, the grands were marveling over our little treasure, who I held often due to nursing demands. No one had realized that Brian had not gotten to hold his son all day, until he mentioned it to me. I immediately went in and whisked the newborn out of someone’s arms and handed him over. Can you imagine! We just left the daddy out of the loop.

Sometimes we do this because of ignorance, and other times, regretfully, because we think we know better. Often women are more informed, but does education raise a child or does love? He loves that baby too! The movie I am Sam was so very telling in this arena and showed us that love is everything, not knowing all the answers or having the perfect technique.

"In a number of other cultures, fathers are not relegated to babysitter status, nor is their ability to be primary nurturers so readily dismissed.... We have evidence that in our own society men can rear and nurture their children competently and that men’s methods, although different from those of women, are imaginative and constructive."

This quote by Kyle D. Pruett, professor and child psychiatrist assures us that men can be capable parents if allowed the chance. Again, I know that some men willingly give up their opportunity to be an excellent dad. That is a whole other issue. This is about those men who want to be there, who want to play an integral part and are constantly questioned about their methods or ways (sorry Brian). Remember, he can’t read our mind! (I need to tell myself). This realization came to me after I criticized Brian for making Ivan’s rice cereal with water instead of milk, I mean, I’d changed the formulae a month earlier (and a week before that, and the week after that, and sometimes mid-way through the day!) How is he to keep up with that kind of schedule and reasoning?

I often have to tell myself that Brian’s ways are not wrong, just different. I also have to admit that his ways are often complimentary, balancing and sometimes even better than my ways! Most of all, I have to remember that we are a team.

What things did your dad do different from mom, but was good or even better than mom’s way? (Or your husband)

2 comments:

Madame Angela Baggett said...

Dad always made even the worst chore a blast. We all wanted to go grocery shopping with him, 'cause as a reward for doing the shopping, he would get chocolate macaroons and rootbeer, we'd have on the way home.

Brian often thinks to add fun to life with chase games, hide-and-seek or tickle sessions that Ivan loves.

Anonymous said...

Well, Dad cooks different...and it's good. He talks different...and that is good too. My parents are a lot alike but also different. The share the same opinion about raising us and allowing things (you never had a chance to get awa with something).
But my Dad is a calm person, it take a lot to set him off. That's different from Mom. He drives different and listens to me in a different way.
Oh, and he likes going shopping with me. Unlike Mom, she hates it totaly. *hihi*