Fatherhood 2- Needed: heroic dads

I hate how people blame things on their parents and growing up, although a lot of messed up people can find the root of their problems there, but at some point, we all have to take responsibility for who we are. Needless to say, it’s hard to be something we’ve never seen, known or felt.



This is the theory by some about the failure of dads to be involved, caring and nurturing parents. Frank Pittman, an American psychiatrist and family therapist explains: "What we men share is the experience of having been raised by women in a culture that stopped our fathers from being close enough to teach us how to be men, in a world in which men were discouraged from talking about our masculinity and questioning its roots and its mystique, in a world that glorified masculinity and gave us impossibly unachievable myths of masculine heroics, but no domestic models to teach us how to do it."


Brian and I read a revealing book before having Ivan called Wild at Heart, by John Eldridge. He explained that men want to be the hero and long for adventure, but with our society being the way it is, women don’t want to be rescued, we are self-sufficient and the man is reduced to a more tame role, a less fulfilling role.

I know my dad felt like he was raised by a grandfather. There was a big age difference and grandpa never played ball or invested much emotionally in him. Apparently, the man who raised grandpa was real strict and it was a very rough upbringing.

But dad broke the tradition. He was in many ways our hero as we were growing up. Having had a plethora of careers, he could do pretty much anything well, from fixing bikes and later cars, to helping with school work (even in French, which he "didn't" know) and playing sports or games, to discovering and learning about the world, if we were interested (or not). As a teenager, I remember growing up wanting to be like dad, excited about life and the world, knowing how to rest, play and work hard, building things and building up people along the way.

Ironically, the very adventure, the ultimate hero status could be readily attained by being an involved dad. Our society needs to get past it's idea that raising kids and being involved in children's lives is a woman thing, both for the kids sake who desperately want their daddy hero, for the dad's sake who desire deep down to be the hero and for women who need to see there is a place for both of us, who at times need to give over control and watch a beautiful love affair unfold between dads and their children. If they (all of us) would only try, it's so natural. Ivan thinks Brian is the ultimate hero, in his eyes, daddy is authority and love, stylish, strong, manly, he works with machines like the endlessly fascinating lawn mower and "plays" in the dirt of the garden. Daddy-hero cheers him to go down ever bigger slides and scrapes the dirt off his shins when he tumbles out of them. Daddy makes magical music come out of a two-by-four looking thing and makes mom so happy when he bathes or takes on some daddy responsibility-- what more could you ask for? see, he IS a hero!

What was the best part about your dad growing up? Is he an involved and adventurous dad?