My caveat: I do understand that there are jerks in the world, who fulfilled the quote which says it is easy to become a father, but hard to be one. I know there are bum dads, uninvolved, practically non-existent and uncaring dads. But lets be real, there are moms like that too, just not as many and not as publicized or ridiculed. Furthermore, there are excellent dads, I believe more and more all the time who go the extra mile, invest in, love and care for their kids, sometimes even better than the moms or at least with their own special flair for parenting.
Have you noticed that men are the brunt of most our jokes? I had a cartoon I thought was hilarious and I’d show it to Brian often, but he thought it was insulting. Then I saw it. Our society constantly puts down men and fathers, whether it be in jokes, magazines or TV shows, or just our way of talking. If women were treated this way, there would be immediate and aggressive outrage. It’s our trend to defend the woman, “she had a rough day, she has her hands full, we all make mistakes…”, but for the men it’s, “what an idiot, he should know better, men are always like that…”
Of course there are grains of truth in much of the hilarity and stories, but again, women can be air headed just like the guys. I’m seeing there are lots of factors to the reasons men are not excelling in the parenting arena and will share along these thoughts in the coming weeks to all those captivated by my discovery (ha, ha!)
I noticed magazines and newspapers honor mothers in May and have people write about the wonderful ways their mothers have impacted their lives. But come June, the feature becomes "funny things dad has done". Last year, I distinctly remember crying with joy over pictures and comments of people with their moms. For father's day the same paper had readers send in the ugly ties they had sent their dads! (What is wrong with us?) Do we think men are too macho for all that sentimental stuff. Are they not close to us because WE push them away with our heartless ridicule. How many times does it take before the man says to himself that maybe he really is incompetent as a parent or partner and that things are better left with his least involvement? Pay attention to what you see, hear and say. What evidence are you discovering about this inequality in the way we treat the “opposite” sex? (Look at what I just wrote! Why do we call the other “opposite”? Are we at war? Why not “complimenting” or “seconding” or “balancing”) What do you think? And what do you notice?
4 comments:
The look on Ivan's face is priceless. Is he saying, "What's that your writting about Mom?"
BTW I can only say "Ditto" to your observations about how society treats the image of men. TV shows used to be like "Father knows best" but now are more like "Married with Children" which has a horrible model of incompetence for the dad.
I also agree with your observations, and I'm amazed at your insight and wisdom.
I recently read the results of a study that showed that women valued love over everything else. In other words they will put up with almost anything as long as they feel loved. No surprise there. What surprised the researchers was that the men valued respect even above love. Gee ! Where have we heard this before? Ephesians 5:33
The feminization of our society is antithetical to Gods pattern for our lives. This problem has even manifested itself in our church culture. Twenty five years ago I noticed that the sermon delivered on Mothers Day would always follow a theme of "Good mothers are responsible for the great men of the Bible". Respect !
The Fathers Day sermon on the other hand would always sound like "Bad fathering causes our children to turn away from God". Dad doesn't deserve respect! Admittedly this was one preacher in one congregation delivering the topical sermon (with a few variations) every year, and I'm sure he didn't think through what the effect would be on the flock.
you don't have to be sociologist to figure this one out. It made the women haughty and the men wimpy and beat down. Not the best atmosphere for raising children in the admonition of the Lord.
My Mom never allowed us to say anything derogatory about Dad in her presence, even when she knew he was wrong.
I think men have an edge in the professional ring, and women seem to have theirs on the homefront. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Did we start putting men down when they started helping and it was not being done the way we would do it? Or did we start putting them down for not helping, and now they are trying to catch up to us in the domestic diva dept, and we are too high and mighty to notice? And where did this macho man attitude stem from? I think these are all good questions worth pondering.
I know a lot of guys that say they try to help out around the house, but their wives only follow them around re-folding the laundry the way they like it, instead of just being happy that he did it for her.
I think that we as women need to decide what it is we want out of our men and act accordingly. And if that happens to be helping around the house and sharing 1/2 the parenting responsabilities, then we need to let them do that their own way, support and encourage them however we can and the results will be endless and beneficial to the whole family, mother, father and children.
Thank you for all your insightful comments. I am seeing more and more through what all of you have shared. Lots to chew on with what has been added to the discussion.
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