It has been a week since I found out that Gordon went on to be with the Lover. I still call Him the Lover even if I'm hurt, angry and bewildered at Him. I don't pretend to understand Him completely or comprehend His ways or even agree with them, but that is true of every relationship, and this one most of all. We stick it out together because I know I'm getting the better end of the deal and He's just crazy enough to keep with me too.
7 days. It feels like it's been decades. The world feels so different to me. I went on an errand yesterday and I was in autodrive. I took the wrong street several times and had the desire to tell everyone what had happened (I didn't- but it was like I thought everyone should walk with greater soberness and thankfulness too).
Jenn and John may you have deep and gentle healing in this, physically, emotionally and spiritually. This morning I read: "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit". We are all brokenhearted and crushed, but you are most of all, so the Lord is especially close to both of you. May He come to you not in the wind or earthquake or fire, but in that still small voice of comfort and love.
It seems inconsiderate to keep posting funny little stories, or the pictures and videos of Ivan and Dominique, but I know that out of anyone, Gordon would urge us to live life fully, to embrace the joys and delve into the beauties of it. Likewise, Jenn told me how the pictures brought joy to her heart- and that is perhaps the greatest gift of all.
In this video Ivan is enjoying some birthday chocolate. Notice how he laughs really hard at the end when I ask him if he'll share it with mommy- his toddler way of sarcastically replying "yeah right, as if!"
6 comments:
keep sharing...it is good for them I'm sure. When I los my first baby at first I didn't want to be around babies, hold them, look at pregnant women...but I knew that God was not punishing me to be sad and unhappy. Slowly I got to the point where I could be happy around babies again...and then I found out I was pregnant with Max.
After we found out the diagnosis of Max I went through that phase again. It was pitty for myself...because I felt bad that my son might not ever do the things that even little babies can do. But God showed me that was wrong of me.
He gave me Max...not a healthy baby...but a very strong one...and my lesson in life was to come from being his mother. So now I take great joy in watching babies younger than Max doing things he can't yet do. I'm happy for you...I think of it as an honor that you share your most precious gifts with us.
I know we've talked about this before...but believe me...even on hard days...it is good to see that God loved Angela so much he gave her those precious babies...and He loves me no less than her...and He gave me my precious Max. And we can take joy together that He is God and we are not...and know that He has it figured out even in the very hardest of times...when it seems like there is no answers to all of the questions.
Still praying for you and your family Angela...I'm reminded of a word I heard when Max was in the hospital...it was after a doctor so insensitively said, "sometimes Mother Nature makes mistakes." , about Max.
That night as I slept I was awoken to these words..."Mother Nature did not make Max...I made Max...and I DON'T make MISTAKES.". I remember that often...especially on the hard days...there are no mistakes made by our Maker.
Love to you friend.
Thank you so much for posting the video of sweet Ivan. John and I both had a good laugh as we heard his laughter in response to your question. Love them and hold them and keep laughing with them...
love you
Deana- thank you for sharing. I didn't know you had lost one before Max. I'm hearing about people all the time who have lost their unborn or young or not so young child. It's all so heartbreaking. I guess we just have to cling all the more to what is eternal and remember that what we see is but a shell of our perfect selves.
Jenn- I'm glad you two got a laugh out of Ivan's video. Plenty more laughs to come. He's always up to something!
I'm looking forward to seeing y'all at Christmas. Make sure that Ivan birngs his laugh with him.
With love from the snowy north.
Time really is relative to so many events.
Both joy and sorrow so often seem to come in waves that just crash on our souls and spirits.
Hi Angela, I don't know if you know me from Saskatoon or not - I've lived here for the past 9 years. I just wanted you to know I've thought of you often the past week - several years ago my only sister had to be induced knowing her first baby had died, also full term and under very similar circumstances as Jennifer. I meanwhile sat here in Canada (she was living in Belgium) with my fourth healthy baby in my arms.I ached so much for her and her husband. I wanted to be able to hug her and hold her like when we were little girls and tell her everything would be okay. I know it has been hard for you to be away from your family right now. Christmas will come soon and Jenn and John will need you then too. I hope you will have time to have some long visits.
I just returned from the service for little Gordon. It was a very nice service and I'm thankful that John and Jennifer gave all of us the opportunity to have a part in saying goodbye to this little guy. Everyone was so excited about him. Take care Angela, LaWanda Schneider
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