It's hard being first in the family, it's hard being second too! Ivan is navigating the difficult waters of learning how to share. It's not easy. He grabs anything and everything out of Dominique's hands and tells her "no" constantly. She gets angry with him, screams, yells and cries. Then I tell Ivan to give it back and say he's sorry. He gets upset wtih me, screams, yells and cries. Sometimes I think we are at the circus.
It's still worth it for all the tender moments and the joys, but it takes some work and a whole lot of patience to get there.
One transition that was easy was bath time. They both love having their baths together. Now that Dominique can sit up, we aren't as dependent on all the baby gear: bath, car seat, props... It makes life so much easier. Doing dual bath makes it twice as fast and mommy gets time all by herself, since daddy does bath duty ;)
Here is a video from their very first bath together.
Funny episode: Brian put up some shelves last night and when Ivan saw them this morning, he pointed to them and said "books sit down". It's totally hillarious how he will make his ideas known, not how I would have said it, but far more creatively and imaginatively.
Did you share baths with siblings growing up? When did you start having separate baths again?
6 comments:
My sister and I shared bath time until I got into elementary school. She's almost 4 years older then me so she would have been in 4th grade. Our poor brother bathed after we were finished. With only 1 bath we were short on space and time.
Who can remeber that far back? I don't remember bathing with siblings but my parents have pictures of me bathing with a boy my age.
that's a good question ang. Noah is now 7 and Isaiah 5. It's only been in the last year that we've separated the two. I found as soon as they start to really notice the private parts, Noah was the one where we knew it was time to separate them.
Prayer was a big thing too. We asked for wisdom and God gave us the green light when it seemed time.
i wouldn't worry about it now. the curiosity of Ivan is normal and healthy.
The whole toy thing, "mine!"
yeah, that's super fun!! LOL
Our youngest, Faith is very much like Ivan. Even more so than Noah or Isaiah. I read these amazing books on training up your children and I was quick to turn to the "sibling rivalry" section when the time came.
They had a biblical, sound answer for these young years that totally made sense. PERSONAL PROPERTY. It's biblical and has right order, which our God is a God of order.
Let me explain. Each item in your home has an owner. Just like on your street, you don't share eachothers cars, but if one is without a car, it is up to the PERSONAL OWNER of a car to decide whether or not he would want to share his car with the less fortunate.
I really liked this analogy, becuause it put it into perspective when you are trying to teach the same principles in toddlers.
Each toy has an owner. If you have toys that have dual owners, either get rid of them, or assign an owner to it. This will get rid of much confusion and fighting later.
The goal of this is to teach them A HEART OF GIVING. But if they are forced to share, what good is that doing? If they are free to give out of their own FREEWILL, they will learn the satisfaction and joy in giving. Of course this doesn't come naturally!!!! LOL
Patiently, we explain to Faith (as we did with the others) that this toy belongs to so and so, and you have to ask them to use it. Now that Noah and Isaiah are older, they understand this and don't generally fight over things anymore. While I see other kids their age still fighting over WHO GOT IT FIRST.
The "she had it first" way of doing things is teaching them that it's a race to something first, that nothing really belongs to them, which then they loose their opportunity to take responsiblity for their own things. I would avoid the "She had it first" it doesn't teach them anything, but selfishness.
As for Faith, it is a lesson that takes time, repetition and patience.....obviously, you understand. We used the phrase, "noah is the boss of that" or "Who is the boss of that toy?"
That way, they make the rules. At first, they will cling to their possesions like no one's business!! but once they realize that there is a consistant force (by the parents) giving them "rights" to their things. They will feel that they don't have to guard them so tightly, and start to feel comfortable to share them. Ivan will have to learn that it goes 2 ways. Dominiques toys are hers and he needs to respect that. If she hands him a toy, he can play with it as long as she wants, until she asks for it back.
As parents we need to always encourage them to share, but it's critical that they know the law of PERSONAL OWNERSHIP before you can see fruit in the other areas....
WOW, that was long, hope that helps, i know it saved my sanity!!!
thanks Sarah, always looking for good ways to look at things. I'll have to think that one over and have Brian read it too!
Amber- if Nana remembered, she has a longer distance to go than you!!
I remember having bath time with my brother and my two cousins... I don't remember how old we were though. During the summer we used out swimming pool and were mostly naked, as far as I recall it. But then, Germany is a different culture and we think different about nudity. (Just think about the nudist's beaches.)
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