I do feel sympathy for Ivan sometimes. In an instant, he had to go from only child/baby to someone that takes on responsibility. He puts things in the garbage for me and picks up for me (ok, most of the time he made the mess in the first place). These are good habits to learn, but I also see him following the path of the older child as he helps with Dominique (voluntarily and by suggestion). If he sees her in her vibrating chair, he always turns it on for her. If she starts to cry, he rocks whatever she is sitting in or pats her. I am glad he is learning compassion, tenderness and helping. But then sometimes he will look at me all grown up and start patting me on the shoulder, which I find weird from my own toddler. I understand the hugs and kisses, but patting seems strangely out of place, overly motherly or fatherly and it reminds me of some older child syndromes. I remember mom calling me "worry wart" because I would scold her for using too much of this or that. She would tell me that I was too young and didn't have to worry about the family finances, but I guess since I overheard things (she also called me "big ears"), I would feel like I had to do my part to help the family succeed (or stay afloat). I know when I went off to college, most of the nightmares I had were about my siblings being in trouble (usually by sharks, some monster, or an unsightly disaster) and I was trying to rescue them.
Yesterday, I was in the paddling pool with Ivan and Dominique. Brian took Dominique out early since she was cold and Ivan and I just played together. Then he crawled in my arms and just let me hold him and rock him for probably a good 10 minutes. Every once in a while he plays baby by crawling into one of her contraptions and imitating her cries. I'm not sure if he wants attention or is just imitating her (he imitates everyone), but I could tell from yesterday that sometimes he just wants to be held and be the baby or kid again- leave the worries about Dominique, or helping or doing good and just be held.
I know my personality has been etched by the fact that I'm the oldest. I don't think it was a bad thing, but it definitely helped shape who I am, how I think, the way I act... Where did you fall in birth order? Do you think that affected how you are today? How?
5 comments:
Great comments on being the first born, which I am also, but don't fit the mold perfectly. I was the rebel who ran away from home and desserted any responsibilities. Even now my little sister worries more than I and seems to take care of things better.
I know my own middle child was a "middle child" even before I had a third and now he's the father of twins.
I am the second one, no third, kind of last. I am a girl, and I have an older brother. Normally you would think that he took care of me. Errr, not really. Besides that I grew up with my older cousins. So I had three guys "over" me.
How do you think effected that me? I grew up quick, stood up for myself and always said what was on my mind. But my parents treaded us always the same, so whenever something happened we both were punished.
All that was just good for me. It helped me to always get around no matter where and when.
As you already know, I am the second and last child (I always joke that once they got it right they stopped having kids). You and Brian have already heard me whine about getting everything hand me down - from clothes to my bike. What makes it worse is that I have an older brother so my bike was not pink!
I always say do your best to be equal with both kids. Fill out both baby books and try to do special individual things with each one too. It's harder on the second born not be able to look back at baby pictures that don't exist because mom and dad were too tired!
I was second last. It was so annoying having to wear hand-me-downs from three older brothers and by the time I was through with the shoes, pants, or shirt they were completely worn out. So my younger brother (I called him the spoiled one) would get new stuff! But my mother would take me aside, swear me to secrecy, and tell me that I was her favorite. Now I wonder if she did that with the others!
Dominique would be in hand-me downs, but she's a girl, so she has all new clothes, and tons of them! All you middle child advocates and martyrs will be glad to know that I've passed on Ivan's baby clothes, so if the next is a boy, he won't have hand-me downs from his brother- although they may be handed over from someone! 90% of Ivan's clothes are from friends' kids, just like Dominique's.
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