I wish I could describe how profoundly becoming parents has changed us. Today I called Ivan my "precious cargo" as opposed to the trunk full of groceries I'd just loaded, and I was transported back to the day we first drove him in a car going home from the hospital. We'd driven to the hospital less than 48 hours earlier. At that time, the least of my worries was traffic, but upon leaving, with Ivan, I was suddenly hit by how vulnerable we were. I mean, were we actually going to drive home in this metal shell we call a car and trust that none of the other flying bullets (every other car) would not hit us? I knew that Brian felt the same way as I did, but I still couldn't help begging him to be very careful.
I've been somewhat picky about what we eat, but now I read ingredients lists and look at the number of sugar and fat grams, making our shopping expeditions long and decisions even MORE difficult. We notice all sorts of "dangers" and act accordingly. Not that we are paranoid freaks (at least I don't think so), but we have safety plugs to block electricity from... what? (jumping out of the socket? or is he going to lick it? I did have a student put scissors in a plug outlet and the current blasted a hole in the metal, so I guess it could be dangerous). Our household decor is now tied up cabinets and miscellaneous groupings of shakers, stuffed creatures, puppets, balls, trucks... sometimes in plastic tubs, or more often artistically thrown all over the floor.
I've never been an impulse buyer and am still pretty restrained, but I can't help letting Ivan try out toys in the stores to see his reactions and often consider getting him another toy (like he needs more!) It's a good thing most books are expensive too, because I'm a sucker for books. Which to my delight Ivan enjoys as well.
I now notice and smile at every child around Ivan's age and smile knowingly at pregnant women. Words don't have to be spoken, we know we have been through similar journeys. I can not explain the shift in heart, soul and mind that occurs when having a child, but it is unlike anything I've ever experienced.
Now here we are a year later from that fateful day when we left the hospital with a son, an eternal being, a living, breathing, thinking and loving reflection of the King of eternity. We have been forever transformed and face continual improving. As Ivan grows, so will we. We will better understand life and living, growing and giving, hurting and overcoming all because of this little wonder, who won't be so little some day. I try to live in the moment, but the moments went so fast! I can hardly believe it has already been a year and while I can remember our lives before Ivan, I know deep within me that Ivan already existed, just waiting for his time to enter earth and time. I am soooo thankful that the Lover allowed our paths to cross. May our years together multiply like dust on the prairies and may we cherish each particle, each morsel, each delight of this journey together.
2 comments:
Even without kids I know what you mean. I constantly have to remind my friends when they bring their kids to our house that: we have no safety gates, our house is not baby proofed, the cats do jump onto the furniture, our rug is not Scotch-guarded, we don't have a gate to the backyard, etc...I guess that would explain why we are invited out more than our invitations are accepted.
Well spoken Angela. Even though I have no children...yet, I know what you talk about. I am sure sometimes you worry too much and sometimes not enough. ;) But that is life and the way you grow and so everyone makes mistakes (Ivan too). Life is a learning process which will never end. Good luck! *LOL*
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